My wife and I feel like referees a lot these days. We have three young children, and as anyone with young children knows, they tend to fight often and over seemingly everything: clothes, shoes, toys, food, coloring books, crayons, stickers, air…Yes, seriously, air. “Daddy, she’s getting in my space…I don’t want her in my space!” Sound familiar?
Being addicted to peace and quiet as I am and having the strong aversion to bickering that I do, I often try to prevent my children’s conflicts. I try to outsmart them. For instance, I know that my older two girls feel strongly about the color of their plastic dinner plates (apparently some colors are much more pleasurable to eat off of than others). So, in order to avoid conflict, when getting plates out for them before dinner, I wisely select two plates which are exactly the same color–and the same shade of the same color. That way I won’t have to hear “I don’t want the light blue plate; I want the dark blue plate like she has!”
Ah ha, conflict averted, right? Nope. Not for long. Because inevitably one has more French fries than the other, or one more blob of ketchup. And then guess what, the fight is on!
Are my children unique? Are they more competitive and cantankerous than most? No, they are human, and unfortunately this is the way it goes for us humans. Even the most “spiritually mature” among us are not immune to conflicts.
Recently in our sermon series on the book of Acts, we watched as Paul and Barnabas—two of the most prominent leaders of the early church—experienced a “sharp disagreement” between them (Acts 15:39). In modern lingo, they got into a fight!
Before this point, these two guys were inseparable. They were a match made in heaven, literally (Acts 13:2). They were a ministry dream team, and they had many fruitful ministries together all around Asia Minor. They preached the Gospel side by side; they saw many people saved; they planted several churches. They even risked their lives together (Acts 14).
But their relationship, like all human relationships, was fragile. All it took was one disagreement about whether to take Mark along with them for their next mission trip, and they went separate ways. Paul took Silas and went one direction and Barnabas took Mark and went another. In fact, the remainder of the book of Acts will highlight the ministry of Paul and say absolutely nothing about Barnabas. We never see these two guys together again. Sorry Michael W. Smith, apparently friends aren’t friends forever when the Lord’s the Lord of them!
What happened? Sin happened! As they say, “The best of men are men at best!” And men are sinners.
So, here’s the bad news: Conflict is inevitable.
But, there’s good news too: Conflict is redeemable.
In God’s good redemptive plan, He went on to use the quarrel between Paul and Barnabas to split up their team and to create two missionary teams instead of one. He also went on to use both men for the furtherance of the Gospel. Paul enjoyed a fruitful ministry around the Roman empire according to the remainder of the book of Acts, and according to tradition Barnabas went on to solidify the church which had been previously planted by Paul and him in Cyprus.
So, despite the ungraciousness of these men, God kept spreading the message of the grace of Jesus to others. God redeemed the situation and used it to continue promoting the greatness of His Son.
And this reminds us how God uses the inevitable conflicts in our lives. They will happen and they will happen often, but God will redeem them. He will use them to uphold the glory of His Son. And if you have eyes to see it, you can see the greatness of Jesus in each earthly conflict.
For Christians, the strength of our relationship with Jesus is most obvious in contrast to the fragility of our relationships with people. Every quarrel is an opportunity to remember afresh that Jesus is the only one who is never at war with us. He is the only one who has never been angry with us, but always gracious towards us; He is the only one who has never fought against us but always for us; He is the only one who has never wished to kill us, but instead was willing to die for us!
In reality, He and He alone is the only “friend who sticks closer than a brother.” (Prov 18:24)
So, instead of trying to avoid conflict—which is inevitable—let’s ask God to open our eyes to the way it is redeemable!